somebody flushed a dog down the toilet and now there's millions of them in the sewers.
by Dominic Jackson
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"yeah this is your problem right here." The plumber removes his hand from my toilet and he's holding a fistful of used wet wipes.
"You wouldn't believe how bad these are for the sewer system. These get clumped up with all the fat and dogs down there and next thing you know sewage is just flowing out into the streets" he tells me.
"Wait what.. Dogs?" I'm confused
"Yeah dogs, thousands of them... I guess when peoples dog colonies get too big they just flush them down the toilet. I found a whole mass of thousands of miniature dachshunds down there once all caught up. Poor bastards. We had to untangle them all and flush them out to sea"
"But dogs are not real?" he's playing some kind of blue collar joke on me i can tell. I smirk as if i get the ruse.
He looks me dead in the eyes, stops what he's doing and says
"Mate if you'd been down there, 20 meters underground, knee deep in shit, untangling three dozen tiny sausage dogs for one long summer night you'd take your childish notions and keep them to yourself. The things I have seen down there... in the sewers... you wouldn't believe"
We stare at each other for what feels like forever
"Anyway!" he says "Just don't flush these down the toilet and you'll be good. That will be $69 and you can have these back" he hands me a wet handful of used wet wipes.
"err.. thanks" I say, dying inside.
"You wouldn't believe how bad these are for the sewer system. These get clumped up with all the fat and dogs down there and next thing you know sewage is just flowing out into the streets" he tells me.
"Wait what.. Dogs?" I'm confused
"Yeah dogs, thousands of them... I guess when peoples dog colonies get too big they just flush them down the toilet. I found a whole mass of thousands of miniature dachshunds down there once all caught up. Poor bastards. We had to untangle them all and flush them out to sea"
"But dogs are not real?" he's playing some kind of blue collar joke on me i can tell. I smirk as if i get the ruse.
He looks me dead in the eyes, stops what he's doing and says
"Mate if you'd been down there, 20 meters underground, knee deep in shit, untangling three dozen tiny sausage dogs for one long summer night you'd take your childish notions and keep them to yourself. The things I have seen down there... in the sewers... you wouldn't believe"
We stare at each other for what feels like forever
"Anyway!" he says "Just don't flush these down the toilet and you'll be good. That will be $69 and you can have these back" he hands me a wet handful of used wet wipes.
"err.. thanks" I say, dying inside.